Posted by: DJ | February 11, 2015

Keys To a Powerful Life

Posted by: DJ | November 25, 2014

Principles before Personalities

There is no place for personal prejudices, squabbles, etc., in the rooms of recovery. That is a sacred space where people come to stay sober, addiction free, more sane and/or to help others do the same. For over 70 years the Traditions have guided people from all walks of life, all religions, races, creeds; the believer and non-believer in their quest for recovery from their particular addiction through the unified focus of “singleness of purpose.”

A friend of mine recently experienced a personal attack from another member of AA, whom we’ll call “Miss Self-Importance.“ The attack came in the form of gossip outside the rooms, but the repercussions have spilled back into the room. It’s a small town with few meetings and everyone pretty much knows everyone – in the meetings, as well as in the town.
The good of this situation is that a good number of people have approached her and said “Miss Self-Importance” had tried to spread her story to them and they simply told her they weren’t interested – referencing the Traditions.

The unfortunate part of this situation is that there is a tension there that others have picked up on. In addition, this individual has felt so compelled to enlist a local free-lance reporter to her “cause” of exposing me (her issues) who has come to the meetings as a recovering alcoholic. So Tradition 3 states that “the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.” Only the individual can determine whether or not that applies – and it’s not up to anyone else to question. My friend has expressed her concerns to me, and feels there are some telltale signs of deception – but there’s no place that she can go with that right now.

In the meantime, she has maintained herself in accordance with the 12 Traditions and has gone back to staying on topic as far as the discussions go. There have been several very good discussions lately about the Traditions, the “I am Responsible” statement and the right of each of us to determine our own relationship with the “God of our understanding.”

My friend has acknowledged the gossip within the meeting without naming names, and the response has been rewardingly “Traditional” amongst the members present. So it’s back to the business at hand – helping each other stay sober one day at a time.

As my friend was relaying this experience to me the other day, she blurted out, “Thank God it was me…and not some new person, or someone more fragile in their recovery. I’ve been blessed with the gift of a solid foundation by many sponsors and Sisters and Brothers in recovery who have shared their experience, strength and hope with me as they faced life challenges. So I wasn’t about to go off and drink.” But she was forthcoming that she had provided some “rent-free” space to “Miss Self-Importance“ in her head for a bit. And admittedly, I’ve have to really work at what I feel has been a gross disrespect of the 12 Traditions (my issue!).

But what if the object of “Miss Self-Importance” has been a new person, or someone on rocky ground? No one is responsible for another person’s using, but we need to NOT be contributing to someone else’s self-doubts, or sense of belonging in the fellowship.

We have to THINK about how we’re going to affect others in the rooms. There is NO PLACE for personal attacks, not according to the 12 Traditions.

Our main purpose is to help each other achieve or stay in sobriety. That’s called support. You don’t have to like everyone in the rooms – and if you have personal issues with someone, park them at the door!

My friend has done everything she can to keep things at “Principles before Personalities” and stay within the tenants of the 12 Traditions. That’s all she can do. Bottom line is: we can’t control anyone else, we can only take care of our own behavior. It’s definitely been an exercise in growing, “practicing these Principles in all our affairs!”

I welcome your response, or sharing of solutions to any similar experience. 🙂

©2014 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved (NOTE: ALL quotes and/or materials from other authors or sources remain the sole property of the original authors/source.)

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This Saturday, November 22nd, is an opportunity to tune into a free webinar with Parisha Taylor. There are two times, and if you can’t make either of those, sign-up anyway because you will be able to receive the audio free!

I highly recommend this webinar. I have worked with Parisha Taylor for over 28 years and you can find more of my experiences with her at my blog, My Extraordinary Life with Business Coach Parisha Taylor: Life Lessons in Excellence.

 

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Sign up for the free webinar here: http://nomw.parishas-world.com/maintain-calm/

Posted by: DJ | November 11, 2014

Every Day is a New Life

Note: This is a re-post of an article from Deb Adler’s Weblog

One of the greatest examples of intelligent and courageous living I’ve learned in my association with Parisha Taylor, simply stated, is she greets each new day as a new life. Really.

That means not carrying forward any judgement, any drama…a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g…from the previous day’s interaction with an individual. Ever try that? It’s no small feat!

I don’t know that I’ve honestly been able to accomplish that yet. I try – but it takes a lot of practice to just wipe the slate clean from the day before and give a person the clear opportunity to be a different, better person.

Some might judge that as being weak, but I have witnessed time and time again, a power that has come with that practice that I am in awe of and am continually amazed.

In my current situation of coming into contact daily with an individual who has determined that I am some kind of “mortal enemy” that has to be destroyed…looking into those eyes “ain’t easy”! But to do so having released all thoughts, judgement, and conclusions from the day before…I’m still at the “watch my back” phase of development. But I can always strive to practice “A New Day, A New Life.”

After all, it’s in the intention of creating a new behavior, forming new neural nets, or “re-wiring” as they say in brain science these days, that the seeds of achieving that change exist. By being consciously aware of the desire to change, I am one step closer to breaking those old patterns and forming new ones.  Awareness, desire and willingness are key elements.

In the meantime, I smile, I look her in the eye, and I strive to remember that she is a child of the Creator.

-Deb Adler

©2014 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved (NOTE: ALL quotes and/or
materials from other authors or sources remain the sole property of the
original authors/source.)

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Posted by: DJ | November 11, 2014

Opportunities for Spiritual Growth

NOTE: This is a reprint of a post at Deb Adler’s Weblog:

There are some people that I hang out with on a regular basis, and they are for the most part a very lively, fun-loving, life-celebrating group of people who have reason to celebrate every day as a gift – they have come to the other side of addiction and are living free one day at a time.

No one is perfect. Each individual is at their own stage of personal and spiritual development. There are no formal leaders – leadership rotates through volunteers. All that guides these people is a set of “Traditions.” When adhered to, these Traditions have been capable of dissolving perceived differences, “real” or imagined, and allowed people from all walks of life, various religious or non-religious beliefs, diverse social-cultural-political backgrounds come together in a common focus for the good of all. This fellowship extends around the globe  – in practically every country in the world.

With all that being said, Humans are still going to be Humans – and in those moments, may provide what one of my friends likes to describe as a “wonderful opportunity for spiritual growth.”

I have been given one such opportunity lately as a result of my relocation to a fairly small town in Arizona that shall remain unnamed because I do believe in “Principles before Personalities” and the particulars are really incidental to the larger picture and lessons learned.

Having come from a fairly urban setting, I can honestly say I really wasn’t prepared for such a sequence of events – “my bad” as the kids say.  But shortly after I arrived and began participating in the local meetings of this fellowship, one woman found it necessary to delve into my life’s details and felt she had discovered something for which she feels justified in judging me. (See previous post “On Gossip Mongering and the Truth”)

This woman has become a one-person vigilante movement determined to carry her message to everyone who will listen. Fortunately, those people she had approached are practicing the Principles outlined in the Traditions in all their affairs and have rejected her efforts to stir up controversy.

Now, to put this all in perspective, I’m talking about people from all walks of live, who have come back from some of the roughest, rawest experiences in life – ex-cons, prostitutes, thieves, and people who if not on such a drastic level have still cheated themselves and others in the name of being ruled by their addictions prior to recovery.  So who do you think is going to “cast the first stone?”

To add to my frustration, the allegations being made by this woman are not truthful – but have you ever tried to fight against lies? It’s a lot like shadow boxing. You can wear yourself out trying and never get anywhere!

So I have continued to attend the meetings and much to my delight, some “Real” people have stepped up and without directly addressing this person, have definitely addressed the issue of judgment and “singleness of purpose during the discussions and afterward.”

One thing I know is that whenever I look this woman in the eye, she looks away. “Pray for her” would be the advice of my spiritual mentors. And I am.

It’s been interesting and I’m not sure she’s done or just resting…but I know that I have to stay in the now and appreciate the sanity I feel surrounded by from those who have stepped up lovingly to let me know that they don’t give a rat’s ass about gossip or anyone’s background – real or imaginary.

Stay tuned.

-Deb Adler

 

 
©2014 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved (NOTE: ALL quotes and/or

materials from other authors or sources remain the sole property of the

original authors/source.)

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Posted by: DJ | November 11, 2014

On Gossip Mongering and the Truth

Note: This is a re-post of an article at Deb Adler’s Weblog

 

October 10, 2014

I stood before two people today and outstretched my hand to the husband. He smiled and the wife instantly threw her arm across him as though she were saving him from falling forward because he had no seat belt restraint in the car.

Are you serious? I asked her incredulously

Yes, I’m serious she shot back. You’re dangerous!

My head was going WTF? But I managed to calmly thank her husband for being willing to shake hands.

Then as I went to sit down I watched her lean toward her husband with her hand cupped and whispering to him like a little girl in third grade. She then leaned to her opposite side and repeated the same behavior to the man sitting next to her.

As the meeting progressed it became increasingly obvious that she had been contacting as many people as she could to “warn” them about me.

The REAL people in the meeting spoke to the issue of “Principles before Personalities” in a way that I knew they were trying to reach out. I knew she wouldn’t hear any of it, but then that’s not my territory to supervise.

©2014 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved (NOTE: ALL quotes and/or

materials from other authors or sources remain the sole property of the

original authors/source.)

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Pa’Ris’Ha has taught Quantum Physics for fifty years, long before it became accepted and popular. She educates about how the brain functions and how to reprogram our thinking through scientifically proven neurophysiologic principles. She is a powerful business Coach and Mentor and she has taught thousands business technology, and has established hundreds of successful companies who today enjoy health, wealth and happiness. She is a master in organization and flow, time effectiveness and higher profit levels. She says, “Organization is Realization”™ She is dedicated and serves to end world poverty.

Ka’lu Rinpoche of Tibet, and Rinpoche T’Sering Wang’di of Bhutan have declared Pa’Ris’Ha a reincarnation of Buddha TARA. A Spiritual Archeologist she has Cherokee Native American and European ancestry. She is known as an Elder and traditionally addressed as “Grandmother” a term of endearment and recognition of valor’s earned. She is globally acknowledged as Peacekeeper, and Wisdom Path Teacher. She is fun, caring, and delightful, you will be filled with insight and information that you have wanted for a very long time.

Pa’Ris’Ha has been a guest speaker on numerous global TV and Radio appearances and has introduced pathways in Human Development, Health, Wealth and Happiness for over fifty years. She founded humanitarian organizations to relieve suffering of all sentient Beings.

“To be in the presence of Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha is to be in the face of universal love and the power of that. She speaks with the impact of thunder and lightening, the elements responds to her as an authority, her power is genuine love in its purest form. All of nature responds to her love, as she often speaks of herself as a child of the forest. And she openly shows her love of humanity. Truly a Bodhisattva.” Ka’Lu Tibetan Rinpoche.

Posted by: DJ | December 24, 2012

“Because You Believe”

This song was written and first performed by Deb Adler 13 years ago, but its message could not be more timely today.

Please view on YouTube.

Please “Like.”

Please Share.

Help this message of experience, strength and hope go global!

http://youtu.be/dKWMHHQE-88

Merry Christmas!

*Because You Believe ©1999 Deborah Adler. All rights Reserved.

Posted by: DJ | February 16, 2012

Sharing an “Aha!” Moment…

It was 10:35 am this morning and I had just finished a half-hour conference call I’m on every morning with other businesswomen from around the country. It’s a combination coaching, accountability and prayer call.  I love it!

But I’ve been feeling frustrated lately – even though I’ve been doing all the right things as far as “filling my pipeline” (making new sales contacts) and reviewing my goals each morning and night; following other “success tenants” – because I’m still not seeing results. There’s a “Slight Edge” Principle that says if you do just a few things consistently – every single day – that effort will compound over time and produce results.

But there’s a period of “doing the do” that you have to put in before you start to see the measured results come back to you. That’s where I’m at – in the middle of the new course of action. It usually takes 90 days to show results…and A LOT of people quit before they reach that point of return.

So when I got off the call, even though I love the energy and the camaraderie and the coaching, I was feeling restless. I’ve been feeling restless for a while now.

I began pacing rapidly back and forth between my kitchen and living room – which in a one-bedroom apartment is NOT a very large space!

I often pace. I pace to think. I pace to pace. I pace to calm down. I pace to ramp up. It helps me expend energy. I pace.

I started talking aloud (as I often talk to myself).

“Restless,” I kept repeating aloud…”restless in mind…restless in body…restless in spirit… restless in soul…”

I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at the manual treadmill standing in the middle of my dining-living room. “Well,” I thought, “if I going to do this furious pacing thing I might as well turn it into exercise and get on my treadmill!”

So I put on a lecture by Dr. Joe Dispenza, the author of Evolve Your Brain – The Science of Changing Your Mind and his newest release, Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One.

At first I had it on my computer speakers, but I couldn’t really hear it over the noise of the manual treadmill belt. So I donned my mp3 player and earplugs and mounted my treadmill for a workout – physical and mental.

I started hearing little snippets of wisdom in-between my conscious readings from the display in front of me…watching and mentally logging numbers of “how far, how many calories, how fast,” etc.

I went for a quarter mile and it felt really good – especially considering I am still dealing with a tear of the medial meniscus from a work-related injury that’s all tied up in Workman’s Comp hearings! (Part of my sense of frustration). I look a lot like Frankenstein when I walk – still – but part of my restlessness comes from knowing that I’ve been stuck too long in “injury mode.” I realized that I need to get on with healing my leg. I followed my “walk” with some modified lifting of weights (arms) and stationary punches (I’ve REALLY missed my Tae-bo Gold Routine!).

All the while I was listening to Dr Joe’s lecture – one that I have been listening to repeatedly lately. When I finished my physical exercise I felt really good. “Exercise” had been on my days’ list of accomplishments that I had written out the night before. It felt good to have that already done.

Then I sat down and started to write. He was talking about addictions and personality – about how 95% of who we are is acquired from the influences of others, which I know from previous studies with Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha. But I got really excited when Dr Joe started talking about habits – and the definition of a habit as “when the body is the mind.”

When we feel stuck – we have to look at “what have we memorized?” What feelings and experiences have we cemented in – even though we may say we want to change? If we’re not changing it’s because we’ve hard-wired past body-mind programs which then become habits.

If we memorize (hard-wire) an emotional reaction and stay there for a few days – it becomes a “mood.” If we prolong it further it becomes our “temperament.” Over a prolonged period of time that temperament – “living by the same emotional reaction” over and over again turns into a personality trait – which means we’re totally living in the PAST!

THAT was my “AHA!” MOMENT!

The 12-Step Recovery Programs refer to a person’s “defects of character.” I’ve always maintained that I am NOT defective. I am a child of God and God doesn’t make junk!
BUT then I made the connection to what Dr. Joe is talking about…and realized that the “defect” is the faulty emotional reaction that has been hard-wired in our brain based on a past experience that we haven’t been able to free ourselves from. Why?

All emotions produce chemicals in our bodies and in the brain. We can become addicted to those chemicals in the same way we have been addicted to alcohol or other drugs, food, or gambling, or sex, or any destructive behavior. We try to change but we hit a wall because, as Dr. Joe describes it, “I can’t go beyond this emotion because the chemicals are so addictive.”

We can’t go beyond the emotion because someone or something knocks us so far out of balance as to prevent us from being able to make our way back.

That’s living in the past. What is it that the recovering person has to do in order to live sober, happy and free? CLEAR AWAY THE WRECKAGE OF THE PAST! That’s where the 12 Steps come into play.

One of the greatest pitfalls I have seen in working with some alcoholics over the last 32 years is the seeming inability to let go of the guilt and shame of their past. Recovering alcoholic/addicts are reminded to remember their last drunk/usage – so that they don’t return to using. But that doesn’t mean we have to LIVE there!

We don’t have to DWELL in the past to learn from it. In order to liberate ourselves, we MUST Let It GO.

This is true for ALL of us – because our habits are hard-wired memorized emotional reactions from past experiences that no longer serve us except that we’ve become addicted to the chemicals produced by them. (And then we wonder why we keep repeating the same behavior over and over again, even though we set goals and swear off, or swear on – determined to change, yet we don’t).

Dr. Joe asks, “What emotion have you memorized – that you’re living by day after day – that you think is you? That’s not who you are…that emotion is just a record of your past experience.”

So what are “defects of character?” Memorized emotions that we think are us. But they aren’t us – they aren’t who we are – they are what we are holding onto.

So we are not bad people trying to get better – we are good people who have gotten off course. What’s “defective” is our memory of past events – of what we are holding onto – and that can be changed. It’s a choice.

To be continued!

Deb Adler

DISCLAIMER: All the opinions expressed in any articles, blog posts and Internet content written by me are my own and do not reflect the opinions or beliefs of any individuals or organizations with whom I associate.

©2012 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved (NOTE: ALL quotes and/or materials from other authors or sources remain the sole property of the original authors/source.)

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Posted by: DJ | January 21, 2011

Life’s Course Corrections

“When we daily have a measure of effect we want in our lives, the mind assists that to become real. But first, we must clear any obstacles that impair our thinking, and then set up a plan, always allowing for the adjustments that will be needed in as much as we can only see from where we are in the moment. Those adjustments are not set-backs but a larger picture we have not seen yet.” –Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha

I often relay the example of a pilot in flight when I am speaking to a group of fellow recovering alcoholics. It is one that I heard originally from my spiritual mentor and Elder of 25 years, Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha, and it provides a way to better understand that even when we map out our course of action for our goals, or even the day’s activities, there are necessary adjustments to be made.

I have learned in association with Grandmother to embrace failure as the path to success. What I encounter from many in recovery is the unfortunate tendency to see failure as something that has to be wrapped in guilt. Guilt serves no purpose. In fact, I see the 12-Steps as a formula for releasing the past and any guilt associated with it, then moving on to living a productive life.

That’s why I love the pilot story. It revolves around two very important and immutable points:

1. The Earth is round.
2. If a pilot attempted to fly a straight line from point A to point B, the plane would end up in outer space.  (see point 1. “The Earth is Round.”)

So in order for a plane to reach its destination, the flight path must consist of a series of course corrections. If one were to study a flight plan, they would realize that it really consists of a series of zig-zags from the point of origin to the destination point. Sometimes further corrections are required once the plane is airborne due to weather conditions or other unforeseen developments. That’s where instrument readings within the cockpit and communication with air traffic control become vital.

When a pilot makes those corrections, there is no guilt involved. The “course correction” is merely an objective response to present circumstances. The correction is made so that the plane can stay “on course” to its final destination.

That’s it. No gnashing of teeth – no carrying it around for twenty years or more – just take care of business and MOVE ON!

So life is like that plane ride. We can plan, and should, because goal-setting and mapping out a course of action steps will determine our success. But we need to stay flexible enough to take variables in stride. As Grandmother reminds us, they are not “set-backs” necessarily.

Further, and perhaps most important to the healthy recovery of the alcoholic or addict, we have to be willing to LET GO of the past, as well as any guilt or anguish we have come to associate with it. What was done in the course of the active stages of our addiction is history. We can’t change it. We can, however, learn from it, make the necessary “course corrections” and create a healthier and happier life today.

Always, we must remember that we are part of the greater picture. We are loved. When we hold a vision of the Greater Good of the All, we can embrace the appearance of a momentary obstacle and look for the ultimate greater gift that lies just ahead.

“What God intended for you goes far beyond anything you can imagine.” –Oprah Winfrey

©2011 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved. (NOTE: All quotes remain the sole property of the original authors.)

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